Chemistry jokes : a meaningful humor

These jokes are for all those great Chemists out there. Read and hopefully enjoy. If you have some that you especially like and you don't see it here. Drop us an email.

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A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

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Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?

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Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?"

"No, I lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm positive!"

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.

What element do women use to get dates?

Tellurium

What did the chemist say to a chic babe when he passed by her in his sports car?

Radon baby!

Where does one put the dishes?

Zinc

What does one do if one can't zwim?

Zinc

What happens when electrons lose their energy?

They get Bohr'ed. What are?

What is Ba(Na)2 ?

Banana

What is NaCl(aq), NaCl(aq), C C C C C C C ?

Saline, saline, over the seven Cs

What do you do when you find a dead chemist?

Barium.

What is the purpose of a doctor?

Helium.

What do you call a convict who dresses up as a clown?

Silicon.

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From way down in my cranium

This prediction I will make:

That if you eat uranium,

You'll get atomic ache.

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Sex Life of an Electron

Once upon a time there lived a young electron called Micro Farad. One night young Micro Farad was feeling pretty highly charged; so he decided to find a cute coil to help him discharge his potential.

He went round to Millie Amp's flat, put her on his pick-up and took her for a ride on his megacycle. They rode across a wheatstone bridge and stopped at a magnetic field by a flowing current. Micro Farad, attracted by Millie Amp's characteristic curves soon had her fully charged and excited, and her resistance dropped to its minimum value.

He then took out his tension probe and inserted it into her socket, connecting them in parallel, and began short circuiting her shunt using maxwell's corkscrew rule.

Fully excited Millie Amp began moaning, " Mho, mho, give me mho ". With Micro's discharge tube operating at maximum current flow, Millie soon reached her peak level. The excessive current overheated her shunt and she lost all her electrons.

They fluxed all night, trying various connections until Micro's magnet had a soft iron core and lost its field strength. At a square wave length from Micro, Millie tried self-induction and damaged her solenoids. Meanwhile with the battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his field, so they spent the rest of the night reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.

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Whiskey Worms

A chemistry teacher one day decided to teach his class about the dangers of alcohol.

He thought up a neat little experiment, and showed it to his class.

He had two glass tumblers, one filled with clean water, and the other with whiskey. He placed a live worm in each glass. The worm in water was perfectly fine, however the worm which was dropped in whiskey died almost instantly.

Rather pleased with the experiment, he decided to ask the class what they could deduce from it. The class were silent for several seconds, until one boy at the back called out: "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

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Find what is in chemistry : basic vocabulary,definition

In any case, if you're reading a book or your teacher is making you use the big words, it doesn't do much good to go up to him/her/it and say "Mr. Guch says it's wrong to use big words." For one thing, it'll make both of us look like morons. For another thing, it won't make anybody speak nicer. As a result, you're just going to have to get used to it. I have, however, included a list of vocabulary words below that chemistry students commonly have problems with.

absolute temperature: This is a temperature reading made relative to absolute zero. We use the unit of Kelvins for these readings.

absolute zero: This is the lowest temperature possible. If you remember that temperature is a measurement of how much atoms move around in a solid, you can guess that they stop moving entirely at absolute zero. In reality, bonds still vibrate a little bit, but for the most part you don't see much happening.

• acid: This is anything that gives off H+ ions in water. Acids have a pH less than 7 and are good at dissolving metals. They turn litmus paper red and phenolphthalein colorless.
• acid anhydride: This is an oxide that forms an acid when you stick it in water. An example is SO₃ - when you add water it turns into sulfuric acid, H₂SO₄.
• acid dissociation constant (K_a): This is equal to the ratio of the concentrations of an acid's conjugate base and the acid present when a weak acid dissociates in water. That is, if you have a solution of Acid X where the concentration of the conjugate base is 0.5 M and the concentration of the acid is 10 M, the acid dissociation constant is 0.5/10 = 0.05.
• activated complex: In a chemical reaction, the reagents have to join together into a great big blob before they can fall back apart into the products. This great big blob is called the activated complex (a.k.a. transition state)
• activation energy: The minimum amount of energy needed for a chemical reaction to take place. For some reactions this is very small (it only takes a spark to make gasoline burn). For others, it's very high (when you burn magnesium, you need to hold it over a Bunsen burner for a minute or so).
• activity series: This is when you arrange elements in the order of how much they tend to react with water and acids.
• actual yield: When you do a chemical reaction, this is the amount of chemical that you actually make (i.e. The amount of stuff you can weigh).
• addition reaction: A reaction where atoms add to a carbon-carbon multiple bond.
• adsorption: When one substance collects of the surface of another one.
• alcohol: An organic molecule containing an -OH group
• aldehyde: An organic molecule containing a -COH group
• alkali metals: Group I in the periodic table.
• alkaline earth metals: Group II in the periodic table.
• alkane: An organic molecule which contains only single carbon-carbon bonds.
• alkene: An organic molecule containing at least one C=C bond
• alkyne: An organic molecule containing at least one C-C triple bond.
• allotropes: When you have different forms of an element in the same state. The relationship that white phosphorus and red phosphorus have to each other is that they're allotropes.
• alloy: A mixture of two metals. Usually, you add very small amounts of a different element to make the metal stronger and harder.
• alpha particle: A radioactive particle equivalent to a helium nucleus (2 protons, 2 neutrons)
• amine: An organic molecule which consists of an ammonia molecule where one or more of the hydrogen atoms has been replaced by organic groups.
• amino acid: The basic building blocks of proteins. They're called "amino acids" because they're both amines (they contain nitrogen) and acids (carboxylic acids, to be precise)
• amphiprotic: When something is both an acid and a base. Like amino acids, for example.
• amphoteric: When something is both an acid and a base. Sounds familiar, huh?
• anode: The electrode where oxidation occurs. In other words, this is where electrons are lost by a substance.
• aqueous: dissolved in water
• atomic mass unit (a.m.u.): This is the smallest unit of mass we use in chemistry, and is equivalent to 1/12 the mass of carbon-12. To all intents and purposes, protons and neutrons weigh 1 a.m.u.
• atomic radius: This is one half the distance between two bonded nuclei. Why don't we just measure the distance from the nucleus to the outside of the atom - after all, isn't that the same thing as a radius? It is, but atoms are also (theoretically) infinitely large (due to quantum mechanics), making this impossible to measure.
• atomic solid: A solid where there's a bunch of atoms in the lattice. This is different from an ionic solid, where ions are the things that are sticking together.
• Aufbau principle: When you add protons to the nucleus to build up the elements, electrons are added into orbitals.
• Avogadro's Law: If you've got two gases under the same conditions of temperature, pressure, and volume, they've got the same number of particles (atoms or molecules). This law only works for ideal gases, none of which actually exist.
• base anhydride: An oxide that forms a base when water is added. CaO is an example, turning into calcium hydroxide in water.
• base: A compound that gives off OH- ions in water. They are slippery and bitter and have a pH greater than 7.
• battery: This is when a bunch of voltaic cells are stuck together.
• beta particle: A radioactive particle equivalent to an electron.
• bidentate ligand: A ligand that can attach twice to a metal ion.
• binary compound: A compound only having two elements
• binding energy: The amount of energy that holds the neutrons and protons together in the nucleus of an atom. It's a lot of energy, which is why you don't see nuclei falling apart all over the place.
• bond energy: The amount of energy it takes to break one mole of bonds.
• bond length: The average distance between the nuclei of two bonded atoms.
• Boyle's Law: The volume of a gas at constant temperature varies inversely with pressure. In other words, if you put big pressure on something, it gets small.
• Bronsted-Lowry acid: Acids donate protons [H+ ions] and bases grab them
• buffer: A liquid that resists change in pH by the addition of acid or base. It consists of a weak acid and it's conjugate base (acetic acid and sodium acetate, for example).
• calorimetry: The study of heat flow. Usually you'd do calorimetry to find the heat of combustion of a compound or the heat of reaction of two compounds.
• carboxylic acid: An organic molecule with a -COOH group on it. Acetic acid is the most famous one.
• catalyst: A substance that speeds up a chemical reaction without being used up by the reaction. Enzymes are catalysts because they allow the reactions that take place in the body to occur fast enough that we can live.
• cathode: The electrode in which reduction occurs. Reduction is when a compound gains electrons.
• chain reaction: A reaction in which the products from one step provide the reagents for the next one. This is frequently referred to in nuclear fission (when large nuclei break apart to form smaller ones) and in free-radical reactions.
• Charles's Law: The volume of a gas at constant pressure is directly proportional to the temperature. In other words, if you heat something up, it gets big.
• chemical equation: The recipe that describes what you need to do to make a reaction take place.
• chemical properties: Properties that can only be described by making a chemical change (by making or breaking bonds). For example, color isn't a chemical property because you don't need to change something chemically to see what color it is. Flammability, on the other hand, is a chemical property, because you can't tell if something burns unless you actually try to burn it.
• chirality: When a molecule has a nonsuperimposable mirror image. To imagine this, put your hands together. Although they are mirror images, you can't put them right on top of each other so they are interchangable. Well, normal people can't, anyway.
• chromatography: This is when you use a system containing a mobile phase (usually a liquid in general chemistry classes) and a stationary phase (something dissolved in the liquid) to separate different compounds. This is usually done by exploiting the differing polarities of solutes, though you can do it a whole slew o' ways.
• circuit: The closed path in a circuit through which electrons flow.
• coagulation: When you destroy a colloid by letting the particles settle out.
• colligative property: Any property of a solution that changes when the concentration changes. Examples are color, flavor, boiling point, melting point, and osmotic pressure.
• colloid: It's a suspension.
• combustion: When a compound combines with oxygen gas to form water, heat, and carbon dioxide
• common ion effect: When the equilibrium position of a process is altered by adding another compound containing one of the same ions that's in the equilibrium.
• complex ion: An ion in which a central atom (usually a transition metal) is surrounded by a bunch of molecules like water or ammonia (called "ligands")
• concentration: A measurement of the amount of stuff (solute) dissolved in a liquid (solvent). The most common concentration unit is molarity (M), which is equal to the number of moles of solute divided by the number of liters of solution.
• condensation: When a vapor reforms a liquid. This is what happens on your bathroom mirror when you take a shower.
• conductance: A measurement of how well electricity can flow through an object.
• conjugate acid: The compound formed when a base gains a proton (hydrogen atom).
• conjugate base: The compound formed when an acid loses a proton (hydrogen atom).
• continuous spectrum: A spectrum that gives off all the colors of light, like a rainbow. This is caused by blackbody emission.
• covalent bond: A chemical bond formed when two atoms share two electrons.
• critical mass: The minimum amount of radioactive material needed to undergo a nuclear chain reaction.
• critical point: The end point of the liquid-vapor line in a phase diagram. Past the critical point, you get something called a "supercritical liquid", which has weird properties.
• crystal lattice: see "lattice"
• crystal: A large chunk of an ionic solid.
• Dalton's law of partial pressures: The total pressure in a mixture of gases is equal to the sums of the partial pressures of all the gases put together.
• decomposition: When a big molecule falls apart to make two or more little ones.
• degenerate: Things (usually orbitals) are said to be degenerate if they have the same energy. This term is used a whole lot in quantum mechanics. Also when dealing with kids who steal cars.
• delocalization: This is when electrons can move around all over a molecule. This happens when you have double bonds on adjacent atoms in a molecule (conjugated hydrocarbon)
• denature: When the 3-D structure of a protein breaks down due to heat (or pH, etc), it's said to be denatured. This means that it unravels because the intermolecular forces between atoms in the chain aren't strong enough to hold it together anymore.
• diffusion: When particles move from areas of high concentration to areas of low concentration. For example, if you open a bottle of ammonia on one end of the room, the concentration of ammonia molecules in the air is very high on that side of the room. As a result, they tend to migrate across the room, which explains why you can smell it after a little while. Be careful not to mix this up with effusion (see definition)
• dilution: When you add solvent to a solution to make it less concentrated.
• dipole moment: When a molecule has some charge separation (usually because the molecule is polar), it's said to have a dipole moment.
• dipole-dipole force: When the positive end of a polar molecule becomes attracted to the negative end of another polar molecule.
• dissociation: When water dissolves a compound.
• distillation: This is when you separate a mixture of liquids by heating it up. The one with the lowest boiling point evaporates first, followed by the one with the next lowest boiling point, etc.
• double-displacement reaction (a.k.a. double replacement reaction): When the cations of two ionic compounds switch places.
• effusion: When a gas moves through an opening into a chamber that contains no pressure. Effusion is much faster than diffusion because there are no other gas molecules to get in the way.
• electrolysis: When electricity is used to break apart a chemical compound.
• electrolyte: An ionic compound that dissolves in water to conduct electricity. Strong electrolytes break apart completely in water; weak electrolytes only fall apart a little bit.
(Actually, this isn't entirely true, as Raji Heyovska informs me. Apparently strong electrolytes also dissociate partially in water, though much more so than weak ones. For more info, check out his paper at http://www.jh-inst.cas.cz/~rheyrovs. However, it is also true that the usual definition of a strong electrolyte is one that dissociates completely in water, which is why I include that definition above.)
• electron affinity: The energy change that accompanies the addition of an electron to an atom in the gas phase.
• electronegativity: A measurement of how much an atom tends to steal electrons from atoms that it's bonded to. Elements at the top right of the periodic table (excluding the noble gases) are very electronegative while atoms in the bottom left are not very electronegative (a.k.a. "electropositive")
• electropositive: When something is not at all electronegative. In fact, it tends to lose electrons rather than to gain them. Elements that are electropositive are generally to the left and bottom of the periodic table.
• empirical formula: A reduced molecular formula. If you have a molecular formula and you can reduce all of the subscripts by some constant number, the result is the empirical formula.
• emulsion: When very small drops of a liquid are suspended in another. An example of an emulsion is salad dressing after you've shaken it up.
• enantiomers: molecules that are nonsuperimposable mirror images of each other.
• endothermic: When a process absorbs energy (gets cold).
• endpoint: The point where you actually stop a titration, usually because an indicator has changed color. This is different than the "equivalence point" because the indicator might not change colors at the exact instant that the solution is neutral.
• energy level: A possible level of energy that an electron can have in an atom.
• enthalpy: A measurement of the energy content of a system.
• entropy: A measurement of the randomness in a system.
• enzyme: A biological molecule that catalyzes reactions in living creatures.
• equilibrium: When the forward rate of a chemical reaction is the same as the reverse rate. This only takes place in reversible reactions because these are the only type of reaction in which the forward and backward reactions can both take place.
• equivalence point: The point in a titration at which the solution is completely neutral. This is different than the "endpoint" (see above).
• ester: An organic molecule with R-CO-OR' functionality.
• excess reagent: Sometimes when you do a chemical reaction, there's some of one reagent left over. That's called the excess reagent.
• excited state: A higher energy level that electrons can jump to when energy is added.
• exothermic: When a process gives off energy (gets hot).
• family: The same thing as a "group" (see above)
• first law of thermodynamics: The energy of the universe is constant. It's the same thing as the Law of conservation of energy.
• fission: A nuclear reaction where a big atom breaks up into little ones. This is what happens in nuclear power plants.
• free energy: also called "Gibbs free energy", it's the capacity of a system to do work.
• free radical: An atom or molecule with an unpaired electron. They're way reactive.
• functional group: A generic term for a group of atoms that cause a molecule to react in a specific way. It's really common to talk about this in organic chemistry, where you have "aldehydes, carboxylic acids, amines" and so on.
• gamma ray: High energy light given off during a nuclear process. When a nucleus gives off this light, it goes to a lower energy state, making it more stable.
• geometrical isomer: isomerism where atoms or groups of atoms can take up different positions around a double bond or a ring. This is also called cis- trans- isomerism.
• ground state: The lowest energy state possible for an electron.
• group: A column (the things up and down) in the periodic table. Elements in the same group tend to have the same properties. These are also called "families".
• half-life: The time required for half of the radioactive atoms in a sample to decay. When talking about chemical reactions, it's the amount of time required to make half the reagent react.
• half-reaction: The oxidation or reduction part of a redox reaction.
• halogen: The elements in group 17. They're really reactive.
• heat of reaction: The amount of heat absorbed or released in a reaction. Also called the "enthalpy of reaction"
• heat: The kinetic energy of the particles in a system. The faster the particles move, the higher the heat.
• Hess's Law: The enthalpy change for a change is the same whether it takes place in one big step or in many small ones.
• heterogeneous mixture: A mixture where the substances aren't equally distributed.
• homogeneous mixture: A mixture that looks really "smooth" because everything is mixed up really well.
• Hund's rule: The most stable arrangement of electrons occurs when they're all unpaired.
• hybrid orbital: An orbital caused by the mixing of s, p, d, and f-orbitals.
• hydration: When a molecule has water molecules attached to it.
• hydrocarbon: A molecule containing carbon and hydrogen.
• hydrogen bond: The tendency of the hydrogen atom stuck to an electronegative atom to become attracted to the lone pair electrons on another electronegative atom. It's a pretty strong intermolecular force, which explains why water has such a high melting and boiling point.
• hydrogenation: When hydrogen is added to a carbon-carbon multiple bond.
• hydronium ion: The H+ ion, made famous by acids.
• hydroxide ion: The OH- ion, made famous by bases.
• ideal gas law: PV=nRT
• ideal gas: A gas in which the particles are infinitely small, have a kinetic energy directly proportional to the temperature, travel in random straight lines, and don't attract or repel each other. Needless to say, there's no such thing as an ideal gas in the real world. However, we use ideal gases anyway because they make the math work out well for equations that describe how gases behave.
• ideal solution: A solution in which the vapor pressure is directly proportional to the mole fraction of solvent present
• immiscible: When two substances don't dissolve in each other. Think of oil and water. They're immiscible. Organic compounds and water are frequently immiscible.
• indicator: A compound that turns different colors at different pH values. We generally like to have the color change at a pH of around seven because that's where the equivalence point of a titration is.
• inhibitor: A substance that slows down a chemical reaction.
• inorganic compound: Any compound that doesn't contain carbon (except for carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, and carbonates).
• insoluble: When something doesn't dissolve.
• intermediate: A molecule which exists for a short time in a chemical reaction before turning into the product.
• intermolecular force: A force that exists between two different molecules. Examples are hydrogen bonding (which is strong), dipole-dipole forces (which are kind of weak), and London dispersion forces (a.k.a. Van der Waal forces), which are very weak.
• ionic bond: A bond formed when charge particles stick together.
• ionization energy: The amount of energy required to pull an electron off of a gaseous atom.
• irreversible reaction: A chemical reaction in which the reagents make products but the products can't reform reagents. Most chemical reactions in basic chemistry classes are thought of as being irreversible.
• isotonic solutions: Solutions containing the same osmotic pressure.
• isotope: When an element has more than one possibility for the number of neutrons, these are called isotopes. All known elements posess isotopes. For the record, the word "isotope" doesn't imply that something is radioactive. TV told you that, and TV is stupid.
• Kelvin: A unit used to measure temperature. One Kelvin is equal in size to one degree Celsius. To convert between degrees Celsius and Kelvins, simply add 273.15 to the temperature in degrees Celsius to get Kelvins.
• ketone: A molecule containing a R-CO-R' functional group. Acetone (dimethyl ketone) is a common one.
• kinetic energy: The energy due to the movement of an object. The more something moves, the more kinetic energy it has.
• Lanthanide contraction: The tendency of the lanthanides to get small when you go from left to right in the periodic table.
• lattice energy: The energy released when one mole of a crystal is formed from gaseous ions.
• lattice: The three-dimensional arrangement of atoms or ions in a crystal.
• law of conservation of energy: The amount of energy in the universe never changes, ever. It just changes form.
• law of conservation of mass: The amount of stuff after a chemical reaction takes place is the same as the amount of stuff you started with.
• Le Chatlier's Principle: When you disturb an equilibrium (by adding more chemical, by heating it up, etc.), it will eventually go back into equilibrium under a different set of conditions.
• Lewis acid: An electron-pair acceptor (carbonyl groups are really good ones)
• Lewis base: An electron-pair donor. Things with lone pairs like water and ammonia are really good ones.
• Lewis structure: A structural formula that shows all of the atoms and valence electrons in a molecule.
• ligand: A molecule or ion that sticks to the central atom in a complex. Common examples are ammonia, carbon monoxide, or water.
• limiting reagent: If you do a chemical reaction and one of the chemicals gets used up before the other one, the one that got used up is called the "limiting reagent" because it limited the amount of product that could be formed. The other one is called the excess reagent.
• line spectrum: A spectrum showing only certain wavelengths.
• London dispersion force: The forces between nonpolar atoms or molecules which is caused by momentary induced dipoles. It's real weak.
• lone pair: two electrons that aren't involved in chemical bonding. Also frequently referred to as an "unshared pair".
• main-block elements: Groups 1,2, and 13-18 in the periodic table. They're called main block elements because the outermost electron is in the s- or p- orbitals. What that has to do with the term "main block" is unclear to me, but hey, that's life.
• mass defect: The difference between the mass of an atom and the sum of the masses of its individual components. Atoms usually weigh a little less than if you added up the weights of all the particles. This is because that extra mass was converted into the energy which holds the atom together (see "binding energy")
• mass: The amount of matter in an object. The more mass, the more stuff is present.
• mechanism: A step-by-step sequence that shows how the products of a reaction are made from the reagents. Mechanisms are very frequently shown during organic chemistry.
• molality: The number of moles of solute per kilogram of solvent in a solution. This is a unit of concentration that's not anywhere near as handy or common as molarity.
• molar mass: The mass of one mole of particles.
• molar volume: The volume of one mole of a substance at STP. If you believe that everything is an ideal gas, this is always 22.4 liters. Unfortunately, there's no such thing as an ideal gas.
• molarity: A unit of concentration equal to moles of solute divided by liters of solution.
• mole fraction: The number of moles of stuff in a mixture that are due to one of the compouds.
• mole ratio: The ratio of moles of what you've been given in a reaction to what you want to find. Handy in stoichiometry.
• mole: 6.02 x 10²³ things.
• molecular compound: A compound held together by covalent bonds.
• molecular formula: A formula that shows the correct quantity of all of the atoms in a molecule.
• monatomic ion: An ion that has only one atom, like the chloride ion.
• neutralization reaction: The reaction of an acid with a base to form water and a salt.
• node: A location in an orbital where there's no probability of finding an electron.
• nonpolar covalent bond: A covalent bond where the electrons are shared equally between the two atoms.
• normal boiling point: The boiling point of a substance at 1.00 atm.
• normal melting point: The melting point of a substance at 1.00 atm.
• normality: The number of equivalents of a substance dissolved in a liter of solution.
• nuclar fusion: When many small atoms combine to form a large one. This occurs during a thermonuclear reaction.
• nuclear fission: This is when the nucleus of an atom breaks into many parts.
• nuclear reaction: Any reaction that involves a change in the nucleus of an atom. Nuclear reactions take loads of energy, which is why you don't see them much around the lab.
• nucleon: A particle (such as proton or neutron) that's in the nucleus of an atom.
• octet rule: All atoms want to be like the nearest noble gas. (Well, they all want to have the same number of valence electrons, anyway). To do this, they either gain or lose electrons (to form ionic compounds) or share electrons (to form covalent compounds).
• optical isomerism: Isomerism in which the isomers cause plane polarized light to rotate in different directions.
• orbital: This is where the electrons in an atom live.
• organic compound: A compound that contains carbon (except carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, and carbonates)
• osmosis: The flow of a pure liquid into an area of high concentration through a semi-permeable membrane.
• oxidation number: The apparent charge on an atom.
• oxidation: When a substance loses electrons.
• partial pressure: The pressure of one gas in a mixture. For example, if you had a 50:50 mix of helium and hydrogen gases and the total pressure was 2 atm, the partial pressure of hydrogen would be 1 atm.
• Pauli exclusion principle: No two electrons in an atom can have the same quantum numbers.
• percent yield: The actual yield divided by the theoretical yield, times 100.
• period: A row (left to right) in the periodic table.
• periodic law: The properties of elements change with increasing atomic number in a periodic way. That's why you can stick the elements into a big chart and have the elements line up in nice families.
• pH: -log[H+]
• phase diagram: A chart which shows how the phase depends on various conditions of temperature and pressure.
• phase: The state of a compound (solid, liquid, or gas)
• physical property: A property which can be determined without changing something chemically. If that doesn't make sense, see the definition of "chemical change".
• pi-bond: A double bond.
• polar covalent bond: A covalent bond where one atom tries to grab the electrons from the other one. This occurs because the electronegativities of the two atoms aren't the same.
• polyatomic: contains more than one atom.
• polymer: A molecule containing many repeating units. Plastics are polymers and are formed by free radical chain reactions.
• polyprotic acid: An acid that can give up more than one hydronium ion. Examples are sulfuric acid and phosphoric acid.
• potential energy: The energy something has because of where it is. Things that are way up high have more potential energy than things that are way down low because they have farther to fall.
• precision: A measurement of how repeatable a measurement is. The more significant figures, the more precise the measurement.
• pressure: Force/area
• product: The thing you make in a chemical reaction.
• quantum theory: The branch of physical chemistry that describes how energy can only exist at certain levels and makes generalizations about how atoms behave from this assumption.
• radioactive: When a substance has an unstable nucleus that can fall apart, it's referred to as radioactive.
• Raoult's Law: The vapor pressure of a solution is directly proportional to the mole fraction of the solvent.
• rate determining step: The slowest step in a chemical reaction.
• rate law: A mathematical expression for the speed of a reaction as a function of concentration. A hint: It's usually true that things go faster if you have more stuff in the first place.
• redox reaction: A reaction that has both an oxidation and reduction.
• resonance structure: When more than one valid Lewis structure can be drawn for a molecule, these structures are said to be resonance structures. Resonance structures arise from the fact that the electrons are delocalized.
• reversible reaction: A reaction in which the products can make reagents, as well as the reagents making products.
• root mean square velocity (RMS velocity): The square root of the average of the squares of the individual velocities of the gas particles in a mixture. To put it in a way that a normal human can understand, it's the average of how fast the particles in a gas are going (assuming you ignore the direction they're traveling in).
• salt: An ionic compound.
• saturated: When the maximum amount of solute is dissolved in a liquid
• Second law of thermodynamics: Whenever you do something, the universe gets more random.
• semiconductor: A substance that conducts electricity poorly at room temperature, but has increasing conductivity at higher temperatures. Metalloids are usually good semiconductors.
• shielding effect: The outer electrons aren't pulled very tightly by the nucleus because the inner electrons repel them. This repulsion is called the shielding effect, and can be used to explain lots of neat-o stuff.
• sigma bond: A real fancy way of saying "single bond"
• significant figure: The number of digits in a number that tell you useful information. For example, when you weigh yourself on a bathroom scale, it says something like 150 pounds rather than 150.32843737 pounds. Why? Because the thing can only weigh accurately to the nearest pound. Any other digits that are on this number don't mean anything, because they're probably wrong anyway.
• single-displacement reaction (a.k.a. single replacement reaction): When one unbonded element replaces an element in a chemical compound. These are frequently redox reactions.
• solubility: A measurement of how much of a solute can dissolve in a liquid.
• solubility product constant: Abbreviated K_sp, this value indicates the degree to which a compound dissociates in water. The higher the solubility product constant, the more soluble the compound.
• solute: The solid that gets dissolved in a solution.
• solvent: The liquid that dissolves the solid in a solution.
• specific heat capacity: The amount of heat required to increase the temperature of one gram of a substance by one degree.
• spectator ions: The ions in a reaction that don't react.
• spontaneous change: A change that occurs by itself. All exothermic reactions are spontaneous. However, this doesn't mean that all exothermic reactions are fast. The combustion of gasoline is spontaneous, but not very fast unless you add a little energy.
• standard temperature and pressure: One atmosphere and 273 K.
• steric hindrance: This is the idea that the functional groups on big molecules get in the way of a chemical reaction, making it go slower. Imagine a fat guy trying to get into a Honda Prelude - that's steric hindrance.
• stoichiometry: The art of figuring how much stuff you'll make in a chemical reaction from the amount of each reagent you start with.
• STP: See standard temperature and pressure.
• strong acid: An acid that fully dissociates in water
• strong nuclear force: The force that holds the nucleus together. As the name suggests, this force is strong.
• structural formula: See Lewis structure.
• sublimation: When a solid can change directly into a gas. Dry ice does this.
• supercooling: When you cool something below its normal freezing point
• supersaturated: When more solute is dissolved in a liquid than is theoretically possible. This doesn't happen much, as you might imagine.
• surface tension: A measurement of how much the molecules on a liquid tend to like to stick to each other. If something has a high surface tension, it likes to bead up.
• suspension: A mixture that looks homogeneous when you stir it, but where the solids settle out when you stop. Mud is a very short-lived suspension, while peanut butter is a very long-lived suspension.
• synthesis: When you make a big molecule from two or more smaller ones.
• system: Everything you're talking about at the moment.
• temperature: A measurement of the average kinetic energy of the particles in a system.
• theoretical yield: The amount of product which should be made in a chemical reaction if everything goes perfectly.
• thermodynamics: The study of energy
• Third law o' thermodynamics: The randomness of a system at 0 K is zero.
• titration: When the concentration of an acid or base is determined by neutralizing it.
• transition state: See "activated complex"
• triple point: The temperature and pressure at which all three states of a substance can exist in equilibrium.
• unit cell: The simplest part of a crystal that can be repeated over and over to make the whole thing.
• unsaturated: When you haven't yet dissolved all of the solute that's possible to dissolve in a liquid.
• unshared electron pair: two electrons that aren't involved in chemical bonding. Also frequently referred to as a "lone pair".
• valence electron: The outermost electrons in an atom.
• vapor pressure: The pressure of a substance that's present above it's liquid. For example, you can tell that ammonia has a high vapor pressure because the smell of it is very strong above liquid ammonia.
• vaporization: When you boil a liquid.
• volatile: A substance with a high vapor pressure.
• VSEPR: A theory for predicting molecular shapes that assumes that electrons like to be as far from each other as possible. For advanced vocabulary click here.

Analytical Chemistry : a brief introduction

Analytical chemistry; a very important part of the chemistry in the modern world is a study of determination of composition either qualitatively or quantitatively of the materials either that is artificial or natural. In modern time,some people considered it as a bone of 'Instrumental Analysis'; a very similar term.Analytical chemistry has its very practical application.Like biomedical applications,quality control of industrial manufacturing ,environmental monitoring,and especially forensic science.
Methods of Detecting analytes
1. physical means
* mass * color * refractive index * thermal conductivity
2. with electromagnetic radiation (Spectroscopy)
* absorption * emission * scattering
3. by an electric charge
* electrochemistry * mass spectrometry

CONTD.

How to be more smart and intelligent :Important tips

Do you ever feel dumb around other people? Are you embarrassed when you don’t know the answer to a teacher’s question? Everybody has times when they just feel like they don’t know anything. Of course, you can’t know everything, but no matter how smart you are, you can start to become more intelligent today.here is some Gautamblog tips:
Steps:
# Improve your memory. Much of what is generally considered intelligence is simply the ability to remember things well. You can improve your ability to retain and recall memories in a variety of ways, including by using mnemonics and by paying more attention to details.


# Study more effectively. If you find yourself at a loss when your teacher puts you on the spot, or if you perform poorly on exams, you may not be studying enough. Even if you study a lot, improving your study skills can make a big difference. A variety of Gautamblog tips to help you.
# Read a lot. Just about everything that humans know can be found in print, whether in books and magazines or on the internet. Become a voracious reader, and you’ll expose yourself to more ideas and information. If you’re a slow reader, consider learning speed reading. Consider jotting down notes, and perhaps looking up a word or two in the dictionary.
# Visit the library frequently and pick up anything which looks interesting to you. The subject matter is not quite as important as is the act of reading. Always have at hand something good to read.
# Be more curious. How do some people get to know so much? Good memory skills are only part of the answer: you also have to be curious. If you’re satisfied going through life with little or no understanding of things you’re unfamiliar with, you won’t learn much. Make a conscious effort to be more curious by reminding yourself that developing your curiosity will broaden your horizons and help to make you more intelligent.
# Research. Curiosity without initiative is like having a car that’s out of gas — it won’t take you anywhere. Fortunately, when it comes to knowledge you’re never far from a gas station. If you read a word that you don’t know, look it up in the dictionary. If you wonder how airplanes fly, read a book. If you want to know more about politics, pick up a newspaper. With internet access now widespread, there’s less excuse for not finding something out that you want to know.
# Learn how to look things up. If you know how to use references, from an internet search engine to an encyclopedia, you’ll be able to find the information you want more quickly and effectively. Effective researching skills will nourish your curiosity because you’ll become more confident in your ability to access knowledge. If your research skills leave something to be desired, take a class or workshop on how to research, ask a librarian or teacher, or simply practice researching. Or just press the "help" tabs on the internet and computer programs and read.
8. Figure things out on your own. There’s a lot more to intelligence than “book smarts.” We can all learn to perform everyday tasks at work, home, and school better and more intelligently. If you don’t know how to do something, resist the urge to ask somebody else to do it for you or show you how. In most cases, you’ll be able to figure it out on your own, either by trial-and-error or by researching. While it usually takes longer to figure something out than it does to ask about it, you’ll learn more about the overall process, and you’ll remember it better. Most importantly, you’ll exercise your problem-solving skills instead of your “do as you’re told” skills.
9. Ask for help. It’s great to figure things out on your own, but sometimes you don’t have enough time to do so, despite your best efforts. Don’t give up; ask somebody to show you how. Make sure to pay close attention and ask any questions that you have, so that you’ll never have to ask the same thing again.
10. Exercise your mind in different ways. Most of us are good at the things we excel in naturally or the activities we do everyday. Challenge yourself to learn a new skill or to think in a different way, however, and you’ll actually become more intelligent. Choose something you’d like to learn to do (play the accordion, for example) or a subject you don’t do well in (maybe math) and focus on that thing. Initially, you may be uncomfortable and feel even less intelligent than you did before, but if you study or practice diligently, you’ll become more confident, and you’ll make new connections in your mind.
11. Teach others. In order to teach something to somebody else, you’ve got to know it pretty well. When you try to explain an idea or skill to somebody else, you’ll not only remember it better yourself, you’ll also find that the other person’s questions will help you find out how well you really know what you’re talking about.
12. Learn a new word each day. Go through the dictionary and find a word that you don't know already, then practice using it throughout the day.
13. Do your homework if you're in school! Don't procrastinate, finish it last minute, or copy someone's paper. The homework is there for practice, and when you do it, you'll become more confident in that subject. But remember, homework time is not the same as study time, so you can't count homework as studying.

Tips
* Don't limit yourself to what your teachers give you. If you already know everything on your grade level, don't stop studying. Try high school work, then college level — always challenge yourself.
* Don't limit yourself to "smart subjects"; learn about whatever interests you, as this will usually lead to an interest in "smart" subjects. You don't have to start with nuclear physics to be smart.
* Besides looking to learn, always look for new ways to learn. If you aren't big on reading, try watching people, or talking to people, and even the TV - there are many many educational channels available.
* Don't learn simply to learn, it will not work. Find a way to be interested in it, make it fun and you will learn faster, and remember more.
* Always remember that you can’t know everything. Why would you want to, anyway? Being good at one or two things can be more valuable than being considered brilliant.
* Some psychologists now say there are multiple types of intelligence, such as interpersonal intelligence (how to interact and get along with people) and bodily intelligence (coordination, athleticism). Don’t neglect to nurture these aspects of yourself. Even if they don’t make you “smarter,” they can help you lead a happier, more well-rounded life.
* Get enough sleep. Some researchers say, while you sleep, your brain makes new connections. For example if you don't understand how to perform a math equation completely and you 'sleep on it', there is a chance that your brain will have figured it out while you slept.
* Learn a new language because that can open doors to other sources of knowledge. If you can speak to a Chinese Scientist, who does not speak English, you may learn something easier.

Make money online : Easy ways to earn through web

Making money online used to pretty much require you to have your own Web site, products to sell and some marketing savvy. But a new generation of dot-coms have arisen that will pay you for what you know and who you know without you having to be a web designer or a marketing genius.

But it's hard to tell hype from the real deal. I did a search on "make money online" and "making money online", and much of the information out there is just promoting various infoproducts, mostly about Internet marketing. I see why people sometimes ask, "Is anyone making money online besides Internet marketing experts?"
So I put together a list of business opportunities with legitimate companies that:
* Pay cash, not just points towards rewards or a chance to win money
* Don't require you to have your own Web domain or your own products
* Don't involve any hard-selling
* Aren't just promoting more Internet marketing
* Give a good return on your time investment

In the interest of objectivity, none of the links below are affiliate links, and none of them have paid or provided any other consideration for their presence here. These are legitimate companies with business models that allow you to get paid for a wide range of activities.

Help friends find better jobs.
Sites like ReferEarns, Zyoin, Who Do You Know For Dough?, Bohire and WiseStepp connect employers with prospective employees, many of whom are already employed and not actively job-hunting, via networking - the people who know these qualified candidates. Rewards for referring a candidate who gets hired range from $50 on up to several thousand dollars - not chump change. If you know a lot of job-seekers (and who doesn't these days?), this is a great way to break into the recruiting business with no overhead.

Connect suppliers with buyers.

Referral fees are a common practice in business, but they haven't been used much in online networking sites because there was no way to track them. Sites like Salesconx, InnerSell and uRefer now provide that. Vendors set the referral fees they're willing to pay (and for what), and when the transaction happens, you get paid. uRefer also allows merchants to set up referral programs for introductions and meetings, as well as transactions.
Write.

A growing number of sites will pay for your articles or blog posts. Associated Content and Helium will "pay for performance" based on page views for just about anything you want to write about. Articles on specific topics they're looking for can earn direct payments up to about $200. The rates are probably low for established writers, but if you're trying to break into the field and have time on your hands, they're a great way to start. Also, a lot of companies are looking for part-time bloggers. They may pay per post or on a steady contract. Our Weblogs Guide posts blogging jobs weekly in the forum.

Start your own blog.

You don't have to have your own Web site, or install blogging software, or even figure out how to set up the advertising. At Blogger you can set up a blog for free in less than five minutes without knowing a thing about web design, and Blogger even automates setting up Google AdSense so you can make money off your blog by displaying ads and getting paid when people click on the ads. To make even more money from it, set up an affiliate program (see below) for books, music, etc., and insert your affiliate links whenever you refer to those items. You'll have to get a lot of traffic to become a six-figure blogger, but pick an interesting topic, write well, tell all your friends, and you're off to a good start.

Create topical resource hubs.

Are you an expert on a particular niche topic? Can you put together an overview of the topic and assemble some of the best resources on the topic from around the web? Then you can create topical hubs and get paid through sites like Squidoo, HugPages and Google Knol. Payments are based on a combination of ad revenue and affiliate fees. You'll get higher rates doing it on your own, but these sites have a built-in supply of traffic and tools to make content creation easier.

Advertise other people's products.

If you already have a Web site or a blog, look for vendors that offer related but non-competing products and see if they have an affiliate program. Stick to familiar products and brands - they're easier to sell. To promote those products:

* Place simple text or graphical ads in appropriate places on your site
* Include links to purchase products you review or recommend in a blog, discussion forum or mailing list you control
* Create a dedicated sales page or Web site to promote a particular product

They all work - it just depends on how much time you have to spend on it and your level of expertise with Web design and marketing.

Microstock photography.

You don't have to be a professional photographer to sell your photos for money. People are constantly in need of stock photography for websites, presentations, brochures and so on, and are willing to pay for the right image. People generally search for images on stock photography sites by keywords, not by photographer, so you have the same chance as anyone else of having your image picked. Just be careful that you don't have images of trademarked brands, copyrighted art or people's faces that are readily identifiable (unless you have a model release), but just about anything else is fair game, and I promise - you'd be amazed what people need pictures of, so don't make any assumptions. If it's a decent photo, upload it. Some sites to get you started include Fotolia, ShutterStock, Dreamstime and iStockphoto. The great thing about this is that it's truly "set it and forget it".

The above list is by no means comprehensive, but it highlights some of the new and interesting ways to make money online without investing any money, without having a product of your own, and without having expert sales and marketing skills. Most of all, unlike taking surveys or getting paid to read e-mail, the potential return on your time investment is substantial.

increase traffic of your blog/website : top 50 ways

I am going to share today ;how to increase the traffic to your blog or website so fast and increasing the popularity of your website or blog. Here is the top list of the tips for blogger or designer to present their stuff better than ever.Read carefully and try to follow these tips you will get change in very short time.
# Use lists.
# Be topical... write posts that need to be read right now.
# Learn enough to become the expert in your field.
# Break news.
# Be timeless... write posts that will be readable in a year.
# Be among the first with a great blog on your topic, then encourage others to blog on the same topic.

# Share your expertise generously so people recognize it and depend on you.
# Announce news.
# Write short, pithy posts.
# Encourage your readers to help you manipulate the technorati top blog list.
# Don't write about your cat, your boyfriend or your kids.
# Write long, definitive posts.
# Write about your kids.
# Be snarky. Write nearly libelous things about fellow bloggers, daring them to respond (with links back to you) on their blog.
# Be sycophantic. Share linklove and expect some back.
# Include polls, meters and other eye candy.
# Tag your posts. Use del.ico.us.
# Coin a term or two.
# Do email interviews with the well-known.
# Answer your email.
# Use photos. Salacious ones are best.
# Be anonymous.
# Encourage your readers to digg your posts. (and to use furl and reddit). Do it with every post.
# Post your photos on flickr.
# Encourage your readers to subscribe by RSS.
# Start at the beginning and take your readers through a months-long education.
# Include comments so your blog becomes a virtual water cooler that feeds itself.
# Assume that every day is the beginning, because you always have new readers.
# Highlight your best posts on your Squidoo lens.
# Point to useful but little-known resources.
# Write about stuff that appeals to the majority of current blog readers--like gadgets and web 2.0.
# Write about Google.
# Have relevant ads that are even better than your content.
# Don't include comments, people will cross post their responses.
# Write posts that each include dozens of trackbacks to dozens of blog posts so that people will notice you.
# Run no ads.
# Keep tweaking your template to make it include every conceivable bell or whistle.
# Write about blogging.
# Digest the good ideas of other people, all day, every day.
# Invent a whole new kind of art or interaction.
# Post on weekdays, because there are more readers.
# Write about a never-ending parade of different topics so you don't bore your readers.
# Post on weekends, because there are fewer new posts.
# Don't interrupt your writing with a lot of links.
# Dress your blog (fonts and design) as well as you would dress yourself for a meeting with a stranger.
# Edit yourself. Ruthlessly.
# Don't promote yourself and your business or your books or your projects at the expense of the reader's attention.
# Be patient.
# Give credit to those that inspired, it makes your writing more useful.
# Ping technorati. Or have someone smarter than me tell you how to do it automatically.
# Write about only one thing, in ever-deepening detail, so you become definitive.
# Write in English.
# Better, write in Chinese.
# Write about obscure stuff that appeals to an obsessed minority.
# Don't be boring.
# Write stuff that people want to read and share

World's Tallest Buildings: Amazing Pictures

Skyscraper Burj Dubai :United Arab Emirates


Rotating Building :Dubai

Skyscraper :Dubai

Twin Towers KualaLampur, Malaysia

Skyscraper (Taipei 101): Taipei, Taiwan

CN tower Canada

Chicago Sears Tower

can i get iphone for free ?

iphone is one of the most powerful technology used device in modern world. I wish i could get one. Because of the long time contract and expensive monthly payment ;every people can not afford that. But latest news that i got in the various website; can give hope to get one.AT&T may be getting ready to offer the iPhone 3G at a very expensive yet no-commitment price.BoyGeniusReport.com has a report out Wednesday that AT&T plans to offer iPhone 3Gs at $599 or $699 without requiring the customer to sign a new two-year agreement, starting next week.
When the iPhone 3G launched last year, AT&T said it would offer such an option, but never pulled the trigger.
An AT&T representative declined to comment on the report.
The move would seem designed to rid AT&T of iPhone inventory ahead of the launch of a new product later this summer, as most of us are expecting.

Apple didn't allude to any new hardware during its iPhone 3.0 event on Tuesday, but there have been a few signs, and the company has noted that iPhone releases seem to be falling into a yearly schedule around June or July.

iPhones sales soared after Apple and AT&T cut the starting price to $199 last year, but there are definitely some people who would like an iPhone free from AT&T and a two-year commitment to paying a monthly wireless bill, even if it costs them more up front.

Would you buy a $599 8GB iPhone if it meant you didn't have to sign a two-year contract?

How to Hide or disable blogger navbar from your blog?

Learn how to hide,disable or remove the blogger navbar(navigation bar) from your blog.

First,let us see what blogger navbar is

Blogger navbar allows users to easily navigate to other random blogs and it also has a feauture to search the blogs ,and mark any blog as spam.

So,now you have a clear idea of what really a blogger navbar is.So, why so many people prefer to just remove the navbar inspite of the feautures it has like search,etc.Many people think that, it spoils the look of the blog,especially if your blog has differnet subtitle layout which looks too obvious to see for a visitor.Well, let me come to the actual point on how to disable or hide your blogger navbar.Click here for more post

Below is the step-by-step procedure on how to do it with photos to make it easy to understand.

1.Sign in to your blogger account and click the layout button next to your blog name

2.Next,click the edit html .

3.Add the below html code as specified in the below picture.

#navbar {

height: 0px;

visibility: hidden;

display: none;

}

4. Save the changes.

Now, you can see your blog without that navbar(this tip can only hides the navbar,it doesn't completely delete it).If you want the navbar to appear again,just remove that code and save the changes.

If you have any doubts,regarding this post,don't hesitate to ask.You can ask your doubts via comments to this post.source.bloggertricks

Laser Gun : can kill the mosquitoes

Scientists in the U.S. are developing a laser gun that could kill millions of mosquitoes in minutes.The laser, which has been dubbed a "weapon of mosquito destruction" fires at mosquitoes once it detects the audio frequency created by the beating of its wings.

The laser beam then destroys the mosquito, burning it on the spot.Click here for more

Developed by some of the astrophysicists involved in what was known as the "Star Wars" anti-missile programs during the Cold War, the project is meant to prevent the spread of malaria.

Lead scientist on the project, Dr. Jordin Kare, told CNN that the laser would be able to sweep an area and "toast millions of mosquitoes in a few minutes."

Malaria is a life-threatening disease caused by parasites that are transmitted to people from the bites of female mosquitoes.t is particularly prevalent in tropical and sub-tropical regions of the world and kills an African child every 30 seconds, according to the World Health Organization.

There are an estimated 300 million acute cases of malaria each year globally, resulting in more than one million deaths, the WHO reports.

Responding to questions about any potential harm the laser could pose to the eco-system, Kare said: "There is no such thing as a good mosquito, there's nothing that feeds exclusively on them. No one would miss mosquitoes," he said.

"In any case," he added. "The laser is able to distinguish between mosquitoes that go after people and those that aren't dangerous."

He added that other insects would not be affected by the laser's beam.

The research was commissioned by Intellectual Ventures, a Washington, U.S.-based company that was founded by Nathan Myhrvold, a former Microsoft Corporation executive.

His previous boss, Bill Gates, who funded the research, asked Myhrvold to look into new ways of combating malaria.source:CNN

Nepal : a photographic tour

to see more photos click here
THe best tourist destination .

Click here for more wonderful pictures
Country of natural beauty.

End of the 240 years of History of Monarchy .

Initialization of new era in Nepali history .


Living goddess "Kumari"


This reminds the 12 years long insurgency in Nepal.


Kathmandu; the city of Temples.

Political instability, which is very common in Nepal.

Slums of Nepal.

In The day of color "Holi".

Cartoon time

laser

A laser is a source of light that emits the light ;a electromagnetic radiation through a process called stimulated emission. Lasers are highly useful sources in analytical instrumentation because of their high intensities, their narrow bandwidths, and the coherent nature of their outputs. The first laser was described in 1960. Since that thime chemists have found numerous useful application for these sources in high resolution spectroscopy .READ MORE
The word laser originated as an acronym for light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. The word light in this phrase is used in the broader sense, referring to electromagnetic radiation of any frequency, not just that in the visible spectrum. Hence there are infrared lasers, ultraviolet lasers, X-ray lasers, etc. Because the microwave equivalent of the laser, the maser, was developed first, devices that emit microwave and radio frequencies are usually called masers. In early literature, particularly from researchers at Bell Telephone Laboratories, the laser was often called the optical maser. This usage has since become uncommon, and as of 1998 even Bell Labs uses the term laser.
The back-formed verb to lase means "to produce laser light" or "to apply laser light to". The word "laser" is sometimes used to describe other non-light technologies. For example, a source of atoms in a coherent state is called an "atom laser".
Chemical lasers

Chemical lasers are powered by a chemical reaction, and can achieve high powers in continuous operation. For example, in the Hydrogen fluoride laser (2700-2900 nm) and the Deuterium fluoride laser (3800 nm) the reaction is the combination of hydrogen or deuterium gas with combustion products of ethylene in nitrogen trifluoride. They were invented by George C. Pimentel.